Monday, September 27, 2010

The 140 Bible Project

The Bible has been translated 100s of times, retranslated even more. There's the NIV, the NAS, the KJV, and these are just the more popular ones. Books have probably been written about various translations.

Today I propose one more: The "T140" or The Twitter 140 Bible.

Last week, as I did a daily devotional, I wondered what the 10 Commandments would look like tweeted. This is what I came up with:
<3 God,<3 no other god,dont b a idol,dont say God’s name in vain,sabbath holy,honor parents,no murder,no adultery,no false witness,dont envy

That's 140 characters--go ahead, count them!

That got me thinking: could the entire Bible be written like this?

There are actually a couple projects like this going on. @BibleSummaries and @140Bible are two that I found. I am adding one more two that list @The140Bible.

Why one more? This is not my attempt to summarize the Bible. Its my attempt to translate the entire Bible for generation Twitter. I am starting with Mark--140 characters per chapter, and when I'm done, 140 characters to sum up the entire book. I plan on jumping around books. Its not in chronological order because I want to keep things interesting. Even at 140 characters, Chronicles is boring! To sound trendy, I'll call it "tweetvangelism."

People read books for knowledge and information; when that's too much, they read magazines and newspapers; when that's too much, they read blogs; and when that's too much they read tweets!

You can say if you are getting the Bible in daily 140 character doses, then you are not taking the whole God thing seriously (or you are just lazy); but I'd say, you just aren't ready for primetime. My first real introduction to serious devotion was reading a children's Bible in high school. Not the most mature thing, but it brought me closer to God, and led to other things.

So if you don't have time to read the Bible in large doses, then follow @The140Bible. The only person I'll wag my finger towards is the one who says "140 characters a day! You are asking too much of me." But I guess if you are that person, then perhaps there's a Bible Tumblr page that's entirely graphical or, I suppose, The Lego Bible?

Friday, September 24, 2010

Let's Have An Old Fashion Church Book Burning!

Well, looks like Pastor Terry Jones backed out of burning the Quran. Darn, I was looking forward to getting my Fahrenheit 451 on!

Fortunately Pastor Marc of Amazing Grace Baptist Church in North Carolina is still planning on having his annual church-sponsored book burning. And, according to the good pastor, it's gonna be bigger and more fascistic than ever!

This is what they are burning this year:

We are burning Satan's bibles like the NIV, RSV, NLT, HCSB, CEV, NCV, NIRV, TNIV, NKJV, TLB, NASB, ESV, NEV, NRSV, ASV, NWT (Jehovah Witness Bible), Amplified Bible, God's Word Translation, 21st Century King James, Young's Literal Translation, Reina-Valera 1960, Darby, Good News for Modern Man, The Evidence Bible, Book of Mormons, The Message Bible, The Green Bible, Quran (Koran), Bible in Rhyme, Boomer Bible, and ect. As well as Greek New Testaments by Westcott & Hort, Metzger, Scrivener, Berry, Ginsburg, and Green. Also Herbrew-English Dictionaries by Brown, Driver, and Briggs. Also Greek-English Lexicons by Moulton, Thayer, Danker, and Liddell.

These are perversions of God's Word the King James Bible.

We will also be burning Satan's music such as country , rap , rock , pop, heavy metal, western, soft and easy, southern gospel , contemporary Christian , jazz, soul, oldies but goldies, etc.

We will also be burning Satan's popular books written by heretics like Westcott & Hort , Bruce Metzger, Billy Graham , Rick Warren , Bill Hybels , James White, Kay Arthur, Charles Stanley, Pat Roberson, RC Sproul, Mary Baker Edddy, Josh McDowell, Sean McDowell, Britt Merrick, Max Lucado, Randy Alcorn, John Ortberg, Michael W. Smith, John David Clark Sr., Eckhart Tolle, Joni Eareckson Tada, Sarah Young, Stormie Omartian, Joseph Maxwell, John McArthur, James Dobson , Charles Swindoll , John Piper , Chuck Colson , Tony Evans, Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swagart , Mark Driskol [sic], Franklin Graham , Bill Bright, Tim Lahaye, Paula White , T.D. Jakes, Benny Hinn , Joyce Myers , Brian McLaren , James White, Dave Ramsey, Alister McGrath, Ron Hill, Denver Moore, Mary Beth Chapman, Steven Curtis Cahpman, E Stanley Jones, Robert Schuller, Mother Teresa , The Pope , Rob Bell, Erwin McManus , Donald Miller, Shane Claiborne, Brennan Manning, William Young, Will Graham , and many more.

We are not burning Bibles written in other languages that are based on the original TR. We are not burning the Tyndale, Geneva or other translations that are based on the original TR or the KJB.


Wow, this guy makes Ken Silva look like Brian McLaren!

Some come on down and get your Fahrenheit 451 on for Jesus!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Other Weird Tales/laws from the Bible

Last week, I wrote about penis. This week, I'll focus on other weird tales and laws of the Bible. Did you know there are 613 Old Testament commandments? And you were expected to follow all of them--obviously, you didn't and that's why you sacrificed things...but still.

So here are some of my personal favorites....

My wife, Diana, has tattoos, so this one is for her. Lucky for her, this is just a "don't do it" command...not a stone her to death one. Leviticus 19:28: "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD."

And speaking of the wife, let's get menstrual; when a woman's Aunt Flow comes to visit, husbands really need to break out the marker and make a note of wherever she sits. She's unclean, and if you sit where she sits, then you just made yourself unclean. Leviticus 15:19-20: "When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening. Anything she lies on during her period will be unclean, and anything she sits on will be unclean."


I'll skip the part about how sinful Auntie Flow is, and how a woman really needs to make a sacrifice for her each month. If you are curious, however, point your Bible's in the direction of Leviticus 15:29-30.

Let's talk about sex for a bit, shall we? Guys, let's say your out on the town and happen to lay your eyes on a sweet little virgin. As it turns out, she's not even dating anyone, so you decide to rape her. Rape is serious business in the Bible, so not only do you have to pay the girls father for raping her--you also have to marry her. It's one of those laws that makes you sort of hate Biblical men. Seriously? You rape someone and your punishment is marriage! What gives? Deuteronomy 22:28-29:  If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay the girl's father fifty shekels of silver. [a] He must marry the girl, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.


Sorry women--not a lot about getting to rape guys, but there is one story just for you about a woman who attempts to rape a guy. Unfortunately, she's the bad one in that story: Genesis 39:1-20

Here's a nice one. Let's say you just watched The Graduate and thought to yourself, "Boy, that guy sure was lucky--he got the mom and the daughter!" Um...Bible says he should be put to death--and not just for bad acting (but awesome soundtrack!).  Leviticus 20:14: If a man marries both a woman and her mother, it is wicked. Both he and they must be burned in the fire, so that no wickedness will be among you.


Men, I don't want you to get your panties in a bunch by saying this, but: what are you doing with panties on? That's sinful! And women, you better not be wearing your man's t-shirt cuz might just detest you. Deuteronomy 22:5:  A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this.


And speaking of clothes...got any clothes with wool and cotton? Or any two fabrics mixed together? Oh, no! Take them off and burn them! Quick! Leviticus 19:19: Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material. And while we are on the verse, don't, don't dont, mate two different kinds of animals together! I'm looking at you Liger!

What exactly is someone who believes in the Bible supposed to say of all this wackiness? As a Christian, I get to take the easy way and say Jesus put an end to all these laws by being the ultimate sacrifice. It really makes me appreciate Jesus a little bit more--if not for him, then I'd probably be running around the house with a little chair every time Aunt Flow came just to make sure I didn't get myself dirty. Plus, we'd have to get rid of the Liger!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Christine O'Donnell's Previous Campaign

For those old enough to remember, back in the 1990s MTV had a show called Sex in the '90s which talked about sexual issues from a contemporary perspective. One episode dealt with masturbation, and there was a Christian girl who was running an anti-masturbation campaign. And that Christian girl turned out to be . . .

CHRISTINE O'DONNELL, THE TEA PARTY CANDIDATE FROM DELAWARE!



And now you know the rest of the story.

(For the record, I don't believe masturbation, in and of itself, is a sin. However, if it becomes an addiction, and leads you to pornography, then you shouldn't do it.)

Monday, September 13, 2010

Penis Flinging and Other Things Found in the Bible

Warning, this post talks about Penis' of Biblical proportions. If you do not want to hear and/or read about penis and/or are offended by the word penis, then it will be good to stop reading here. 

The Bible is full of penis! It may be taboo to talk about penises' casually today, but the Bible really doesn't hold back--from a woman flinging a part of his son's penis at Moses (what a mom!) to a law about what to do with those wife who grab a man's penis in public! Don't believe me? Read on...

All verses come from the NIV

Okay ladies, does size matter? According to the Bible, it might! Ezekiel 23:19-20 talks about a prostitute who lusted after penis' as big as donkeys whose semen was stronger than a stallion!
Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.


And what about that Penis flinging? In Exodus 4:24-25, the Bible talks about a woman by the name of Zipporah who cut off a piece of her son's foreskin and threw at Moses! That has to make for awkward dinner table conversation, "Mom, do you remember that time when you cut off part of my penis and through it at Moses? That was a real jerk move!"
At a lodging place on the way, the LORD met {Moses} [a] and was about to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son's foreskin and touched {Moses'} feet with it.  "Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me," she said.


Now I mean no disrespect to any of you male readers missing penis', but did you know if you accidentally got it cut off, or even if your wife did the cutting (I'm looking at you, John Bobbitt), you cannot enter the temple. That ones in Deuteronomy 23:
No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the LORD.

And then comes one of my favorite penis verses; let's say a guy gets into with another guy; it's getting pretty serious, and the wife, wanting to protect her man, comes to his aide. Only as she's rescuing him, she decides to pull him away by tugging at his penis. What do you do? Cut off her hand, naturally! This little gem is in Deuteronomy 25:11-12
If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.


If you have a favorite Penis Bible verse, feel free to share it with a comment...otherwise, in conclusion: penis, penis, penis!

Friday, September 10, 2010

The Banana Proves Creationism!

This past Monday Scott wrote about Stephen Hawking's claim that God didn't create the universe. Me, I don't care what Mr. Hawking has to say, because I know for a fact that evolution is a lie. Don't believe me? Well then just look at what Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort have to say in this video:



Eat your heart out, science!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Did God Ever Exist?

God didn’t create the universe…at least that seems all the fad right now; all last week my Google news page alerted me of Stephen Hawking’s new co-written book, The Grand Design (due out next week).

In the book, Hawking’s writes that science now is advance enough to show there was no intelligent designer. You can read an excerpt in the book here.

I have only read a sample from the book, and honestly have no desire to read the whole thing, but one thing Hawking’s said stood out: “Yet the latest advances in cosmology explain why the laws of the universe seem tailor-made for humans, without the need for a benevolent creator.” So basically he’s saying that earth is so perfect, and so fit for humans—so finely tuned that only one thing can explain it: science. Maybe it’s me, but the fact that it’s so ridiculously fine-tuned for humans is one thing that explains why science didn’t create it.

From what I have read from the book, it doesn’t add anything new; rather it just repeats old science in a controversial way; Hawking’s doesn’t really prove that God doesn’t exist—he doesn’t really prove anything.

As I read it, however, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him; it doesn’t matter to me what people believe, but to spend so much effort trying to prove that the world really is just a giant coincidence and that there isn’t much of anything to look forward to because when we die, that’s it—it just seems like about the most hopeless few of life you can possibly have.

What most scientist don’t spend enough time considering is people don’t believe in God because it’s the most rationale choice—they believe because it makes them happy. Faith is not logical; if you find a way to make faith make sense, it’s not faith anymore. The whole idea of faith is based on ideas that are at times incredibly irrational—but that’s sort of the point: to believe in something that is beyond what you can ever prove, and outside of what you can ever fully understand.

Rob Bell spends quite a bit of time talking about the universe and the laws of it in “Everything is Spiritual.” He’s not a scientist, but I found the ideas he raised much more interesting, and deeper, than Hawking’s; you can see some of Bell’s ideas below…it’s one of the better counter arguments to what Hawking’s is trying to say—at least from a pastor.

Friday, September 3, 2010

We've Got the American Jesus

I don't always see things eye to eye with Mark Driscoll, but I agree with him on some things. For example, the other day I was browsing around his Facebook fan page and he made a few remarks about Glenn Beck's weekend rally. Apparently, Driscoll is not a fan:

Beware of anyone who talks a lot about God but not Jesus as the only God. Beware of anyone whose commitment is to country above Kingdom. Beware of anyone who talks of morality but not redemption thru the cross.

Driscoll got a lot of flack for it, but I agree. Although to me, the problem isn't with Beck's Mormonism, although I certainly don't believe in Mormonism. The problem with Beck and the Tea Party movement is that they worship the American Dream more than God.

Now don't get me wrong, I love being an American. However, even since the 9/11 attacks I've seen patriotism turn quickly into what my friend calls "hijack-patriotism," which to me is another from of religions fundamentalism. Hijack-patriotism says, "If you don't agree with us, you are the enemy." For example, back around 2003 if you were against the war in Iraq, it meant that you hated America. Saying, "Give peace a chance" was the same as saying, "I love Bin Laden." Likewise last year if you supported health care reform, it meant you were a Communist. It's religious legalism draped in an American flag.

As American Christians, we need to remember that God is the god of all nations, not just one. One of the most radical things Jesus did was proclaim the Kingdom of God to both Jew and Gentile. There was no longer one chosen people; God now extends His salvation to all people of all nations. Patriotism is good, but national pride should never come before the Kingdom of God.