Friday, October 29, 2010

The Evils of Halloween (With Special Commentary By Me!)

In a few days, it will be Halloween once again. A time for carving pumpkins, dressing up, and trick-or-treating door-to-door. A fun innocent time, right?

Or is it?????? (Note the extra question marks for dramatic affect)

Join me as I go through this classic Jack Chick tract exposing the Satanic agenda that is Halloween (with MST3K commentary throughout).

Basil Bub? That alone should win the Most Obvious Use of Foreshadowing.

Here's the #1 rule of horror films: when you hear that such-and-such a place is the sight of a grisly murder, you will NOT be okay!

Performing a satanic animal sacrifice usually doesn't help, either. Also, what kind of serial killer forgets his chainsaw? I mean, that's just bad etiquette.

If that isn't the most bad-ass line since, "Say hello to my little friend," I don't know what is!

Well at least the cat got out safe.

Oh no, it's a campy cartoon Satan! Run for your lives!

The saints? You mean the New Orleans Saints? WHO DAT!

He looks more confused than shocked. Maybe Satan frequents that church a lot.

Getting rid of Satan is that easy? I'll have to remember that next time.

Wait, a couple of panels ago Satan said it was his birthday. Make up your mind, Jack!

Pastors had soul patches even back then?

For a guy who dresses like he's from Seattle, he sure looks like he needs a coffee fix!

You mean when I hand out Snickers to kids, I'm really giving them tickets to Hell? Holy crap!

Well I haven't read anything about spikes in human sacrifice numbers, so I guess we're okay for now.
FACT CHECK: Jack-O-Lanterns really come from the old Irish legend of Stingy Jack (source: Wikipedia).

So when kids come to my door for Halloween this year, I'm going to dose them with holy water. You can't be too careful, you know!

Interesting enough, the phrase "personal savior" is nowhere in the Bible.

There you have it, folks. So let's celebrate October 31st the Christian way: by nailing 95 theses to the nearest Catholic church's door!


  1. there are some Chick publications stuff that is considered hate literature in Canada. they sure got handed around over the years though and they affected me detrimentally too.

  2. Sooo...the Chick tract just ignores the fact that the name "Halloween" itself is a contracted version of "All Hallows Even" (which is why some write "Hallowe'en"), which was a Catholic holiday.

    Wait, are Catholics Christians according to this Chick guy?

  3. Dianna,

    Nope. According to Jack Chick, the Catholic Church is a part of Satan's game to corrupt God's Word. Or something like that.