Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Worst Christmas Song Ever

A few weeks ago on my blog I named "Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth" by David Bowie and Bing Crobsy as the coolest Christmas song ever. Now, unfortunately, it's time to name the absolute worst Christmas song ever recorded to date. And boy is this one a doozie! A thousand nails on a thousand chalkboards could not equate the horrible sound of this horrible saccharine-coated pile of dog droppings.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you . . . "The Christmas Shoes" by Newsong:

Oh, how do I loathe this song? Let me count the ways:

1. The obvious theological mistake of thinking that your dying mother needs to "look good" if she's about to "meet Jesus." Apparently Daddy never told this boy that when you die you leave all your earthy possessions (including shoes) behind. Besides, many of Jesus' early disciples were too poor to afford shoes, so I highly doubt that He's all that concerned about footwear.

2. The overall hopelessness of the song. Even though the boy got his shoes in the end, his mom's still gonna die.

3. Not only did it spawn a crappy book series, but also a crappy TV movie with Rob Lowe.

I would go on, but I feel as though this song is about to burrow its way into my brain like a parasite, so I'll leave it there and listen to "Christmas in Hollis" instead.


  1. This is hilarious. Thank you for the wonderful insight into these intelligently crafted lyrics.

  2. Christmas in Hollis: Best Christmas song ever.

    This song...well, yeah. You pretty much covered it.

  3. I agree with you. My friend blogged about this recently--