Monday, June 1, 2009

What Do You Give a Christian for His/Her Birthday?

One of the biggest things about Christianity that truly makes me disturbed is Christians are just like everyone else—except they deny it. Obviously the human side of us is bound to fall, and that’s not what I mean by “just like everyone else.” What I mean is Christians have a tendency to capitalize on everything that they can.

If there’s a new hot up and coming music act, there’s bound to be a Christian group that copies them and slaps the name Jesus into the lyrics—because Christians need to be able to listen to that music too, but it’s not safe to listen to it if it doesn’t have lyrics that imply some sort of Christian worship. There’s even websites devoted to helping you find the Christian alternative to whatever secular music you like.

At the height of Harry Potter, there were several bad attempts to market that niche to. The list goes on and on:

Are your kids excited about “Guitar Hero,” but you’re nervous about those questionable lyrics? Don’t fret! There’s “Guitar Praise.” I am not kidding you—there is actually a Christian version of Guitar Hero!

Does “Dance Dance Revolution” have just a little bit too much dirty foot work for your beloved child’s feet? It’s okay! There’s “Dance Praise.” A Christian game apparently so popular the publisher issued a sequel!

How about Monopoly? You don’t want your kids to learn about corporate creed do you? Why would you when there’s a game like BibleOpoly.

Do you like to be reminded of the world even when you’re reading your Bible? Maybe you should try the handy dandy cell phone Bible magnet bookmark!

What if you want to evangelize to the birds? You’re in luck with this swell looking St Francis bird bath—a lovely edition to any garden.

But more than anything else, Christians exploit clothing. Do you want the world to know that you like to crucify non-believers? There’s a shirt for that. The message of this one seems to be Christians don’t lose car races? If you want to make sure all your liberal friends know that you care about the environment, then apparently you wear this one? And if you want to pretend you are a rebel, then strap on your “This Shirt is Illegal” tee--why is it illegal? Perhaps because it’s so ridiculous?

Above all else, here’s my biggest problem with Christians exploiting the world with consumer products—if you remove all these so-called Christian goods from your body, will people still know you are a Christian? Are your actions strong enough for people to know who you are and what you believe because of how you act, and not because of the shirts message or the video game that you play?

A few years back, Christian’s biggest marketing ploy was the WWJD bracelets and shirts—so let me steal a phrase of theirs: What Would Jesus Do? Would Jesus endorse any of these products?


  1. my parents subscribed to "plugged in" which is this focus on the family periodical that reviewed popular media. and there would always be like "if your child likes alanis morrisette, try rebecca st. james!" my mom made me throw away my ace of base tape when i was in fourth grade. i don't know if there was a christian equivalent to them was there?

  2. I remember one t-shirt that had the name Jesus written in the Reeses peanut butter cup logo. I guess the guy who designed that shirt was trying to evangelize through visual puns. To me, it's a disgrace to both Jesus and my favorite candy.

  3. Bibleopoly?

    I'll stick with fiercly competing for ownership of the Boardwalk and Park Ave.