Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Caught In The Act

On my wedding day, I felt I could barely make eye contact with my guests. I felt like they were staring at me and my new husband and thinking one thing, and one thing only, "They are going to do IT". For all I know they were thinking when the wedding will be over so they can go home, but I was so ashamed of this idea. Of course we were going to do IT. That's what married couples do. So why was I so ashamed of this?

I grew up in a home where my mom was open when it came to the birds and bees. It was more like she would tell me, and I would be too embarrassed to ask questions, or respond to the fact that she just told me what fellatio was. I was taught that sex can be a beautiful act, but deep down inside I felt so awful talking openly about it.

I have always been easily embarrassed growing up, especially about sex, and this way of thinking grew with me as I became older. I received a book on Christian sex. “Christian sex? Do we have to do it on a cross? Do we have to listen to Focus on the Family while I do it?” Those silly questions were my awareness to how Christians viewed sex. If books had to be written about how Christians have sex, then there is something wrong with this.

Sex, like anything else, can be abused. Pornography is a perfect example. I have seen it ruin the lives of friends and I have heard many stories of ruining families. I am not talking about that type of lustful sex, I am talking about just sex. The kind that makes Christians so uncomfortable, they have to place it in a topic completely of their own in the book store. Being married for less than a year, the sex I have, I’ll admit is paramount. It is like nothing else. It was difficult in the beginning because I felt unholy or like James Dobson had to be whispering principles of conservative Christian living in the background.

Rob Bell released a book in 2007 titled “Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality”. I just recently read it and it has helped me realize, of course God created sex, but He created it to be amazing, not agonizing. He writes how sexuality and spirituality is a perfect pair because if you don’t have both, as a married couple, you are disconnected. I completely agree from personal evidence in my marriage. If I felt out of touch with God, I felt out of touch with my husband. My husband and I don’t pray before sex or do anything too borderline weird. However, we do appreciate sharing our spirituality as much as our bodies.

Song of Songs is one of the most favored books of the Bible. It is intimate, relinquishes what sex should be like (although Solomon had more than one wife, so maybe that is why it was good!) and a lot of Christians choose to ignore it because it makes them excruciating. Maybe that is why it’s my favorite.


  1. James Dobson doesn't really put me in "the mood." Mark Driscoll might, though.

    I've been meaning to read "Sex God" for a while.

  2. It's really good. I wish I would have read it before I got married. Totally recommend it for you and the future wife :)